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Top 5 Lists - UPDATED

Where Art Meets Trash Double Features We Programmed That Bombed

  1. Attack of the Crab Monsters & Pixote
  2. The Green Slime & Harold and Maude
  3. The Servant & The Manitou
  4. Haxan & Killer Shrews
  5. Dead of Night & Lost Old SciFi TV Episodes

Werewolf Films

  1. Howling 2 No contest. Celluloid idiocy that is pure entertainment. Phillipe Mora the director is an idiot savant
  2. The Howling When Dante was on fire, Sayles script, Dick Miller cameo, Bottin fx, wolf sex, equal measure scares and laughs
  3. American Werewolf in London Magic. weird landis casting that works. Agutter nude scene, the double whammy nightmare shock, the harshly lit transformation scene, the music, the excellent Brit bit part acctors.
  4. The Wolfman Solid storytelling, atmospheric as all hell
  5. Wolfen Underrated Wadleigh flick has Finney with a terrible accent but film has lots of interesting ideas.

Films we would play if a print existed

  1. R.O.T.O.R
  2. Furious
  3. Black Devil Doll From Hell
  4. Death Drug
  5. Woodchipper Massacre

Film Fest Legends

  1. Ben Harrop For organizing a highland band for our Braveheart opening in one day!
  2. Steve Sinkovich For editing like a maniac up to the last minute every year.
  3. Brett Garten For arriving from Sydney, looking like John Holmes with an 8-foot penis and scaring all the women at the post-opening party.
  4. George Port For coming through with FX for opening night shorts.
  5. John Sheils For making a 35mm trailer with CGI for us in one day.

Jaw-dropping Fest Moments

  1. The wood-plane in the face in STORY OF RICKY
  2. Sex change operation from LET ME DIE A WOMAN
  3. The LOVE WITCH Trailer
  4. Anomalies
  5. SINFUL DWARF (Wellington) Live Show: Viggo Mortensen said it was the most disgusting thing he'd ever seen.

Awesome Projectionists

  1. Lindsay Amos (For sleeping in the cinema)
  2. Snoop Dougie-Doug (All round nice guy)
  3. Capital City Dave (Comes through in the crunch)
  4. Jim 'n' Welly (Is he human!)
  5. Bryce at Civic

Reasons Why the IFF is the Best NZ Film Festival

  1. The Closing Night Marathon
  2. The Trailer Compilations
  3. Opening Night Events
  4. Quality control during Festival
  5. Free Beer

Favourite Cartoons

  1. Deputy Droopy
  2. Donald Duck Fire Chief
  3. Old Man of the Mountain
  4. Mindscape
  5. Red Scream (Jesus Mike! - Ed.)

Lamest Excuses by Projectionists

  1. "This amp never goes past 5."
  2. "The optical soundtrack has shrunk."
  3. "These are just old films mate; sound is always bad."
  4. "From this distance of throw its impossible to get focus."
  5. "It's a brittle print."

Films That Surprised by Being Popular

  1. Gums
  2. The Devil At Your Heels
  3. Future Cops
  4. Let Me Die A Woman
  5. Vampyres

Films That Never Found an Audience

  1. Secrets of the Shadow World
  2. Zontar
  3. Psychopath
  4. Young and Dangerous
  5. Flesh Feast

Top 5 Films with CGI Overload

  1. Godzilla
  2. Little Nicky
  3. Phantom Menace
  4. What Dreams May Come
  5. Armageddon

Strangest Patrons

  1. Skater dude who wiped his hands under his bare armpits before handling most of the won-tons AT was serving as Anthony Wong from UNTOLD STORY.
  2. AT himself for dressing in drag as Glen or Glenda and drinking too much tequila and vomiting over his cashmere sweater (year one).
  3. Fat Guy caught on Nightvision camera eating boogers (actually this guy's nickname became Nightvision).
  4. Guy caught masturbating during PETS on a Saturday afternoon.
  5. Cellphone guy. Holds imaginary conversations with his cellphone that is never switched on.

UNSOLVED MYSTERIES

  1. Who stole the prints of INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS and DEATH GAME?
  2. Who climbed into the ceiling of the Chinatown and did $10,000 damage and left AT running from the restaurant guys with the meat cleavers next to the cinema?
  3. Who stole the drugs at the Wellington opening?
  4. Who wrecked the make-up room at the Paramount?
  5. Who spooged into a tissue during the trailer compilation?

Reasons for Not Owning a License

  1. Photos make you look like a serial killer
  2. Government has digital ID of you
  3. Doesn't help you actually drive any better
  4. Costs too much
  5. NZ Drivers

Complaints About Auckland by Wellingtonians

  1. Traffic
  2. Rude People
  3. Arrogance
  4. Humid
  5. No Culture

Cigarette Brands

  1. Dunhill Blue
  2. Marlboro Lights
  3. Holiday Menthol
  4. PJ 50s
  5. Death Cigarettes

Top 5 Arnold Schwarzenegger lines

  1. I let him go.
  2. Consider that a divorce.
  3. You're a farmer, here's a couple of acres.
  4. To be or not to be; I guess not to be.
  5. Let off some steam, Bennett.

Bad NZ Films

  1. Chicken
  2. Channelling Baby
  3. The Lunatics' Ball
  4. Send A Gorilla
  5. Queen City Rocker

Festival Publicity Scams

  1. When Al Adamson got murdered, got Holmes coverage from saying he was a New Zealander.
  2. Saying a print was found in a coffin in Texas.
  3. Quentin Tarantino was coming down.
  4. The fake R21 rating for STORY OF RICKY.
  5. Saying the Festival Guides were banned due to offensive content.

Worst Kiwi TV

  1. Porkies
  2. Life and Times of Tutu
  3. Melody Rules
  4. Radio Wa Whaha
  5. Willy Nilly

Celebrity Spotting at Fest

  1. Viggo Mortenson at THE SINFUL DWARF
  2. Tony Todd at THE CANDY SNATCHERS
  3. Lee Tamahori at AUDITION
  4. Vincent Ward at IN CHINA THEY EAT DOGS
  5. Bruce Campbell and Ted Raimi at quite a few.

Porn Legends

  1. John Holmes
  2. Seka
  3. Long Jean Silver
  4. John Leslie
  5. Tracy Lords

Festival Director Fuck-Ups

  1. Cancelling those IN CHINA THEY EAT DOG sessions.
  2. Forgetting to classify a violent western.
  3. Losing the payroll in a film canister.
  4. Reels run in wrong order during Blaxploitation flick.
  5. Ordering a bottle of tequila for every 5 people attending for the opening night in 1994.

Weird Fest Moments

  1. The simultaneous fainting, epileptic fit andwalkouts during AUDITION.
  2. The 10 minute blackout during BOARDING HOUSE where crowd started imitating the 'breathing'.
  3. Naked guys running in the cinema during NIGHT OF THE LEPUS.
  4. Running outside Parliament with a roaring chainsaw as LEATHERFACE.
  5. Wearing Hitler costumes downtown.

Top 5 Alec Baldwin roles

  1. Miami Blues
  2. Glengarry Glen Ross
  3. Malice
  4. The Edge
  5. Talk Radio

Opening Night Gags in Poor Taste

  1. Commemorating Stanley Kubrick's death by throwing a skeleton in the air, St James, Auckland 1999.
  2. Having a Dr. Morgan Fahey look-alike judge a competition in handcuffs after he'd been sent to prison for fondling female patients. Paramount Wellington 2001.
  3. Protesting against another film festival by picketing the cinema, forcing jaded hack journos to walk the gauntlet of jeering during their official media premiere. Paramount, Wellington 1999.
  4. Implying that Sir Peter Jackson was not only a portly nerd, but also a serial killer intent on winning an Oscar, as portrayed in SCREAM satire, SQUEAM. (Can't anyone in Wellington take a joke?) Paramount Wellington 1997.
  5. Neglecting to inform the guest MC from the McGillycuddy Serious Party that he was going to get beaten about the face by a schoolgirl wielding a handbag a la HEAVENLY CREATURES. St James Christchurch 1995.

Top 5 Disaster Films

  1. Poseidon Adventure
  2. Threads
  3. Airport 77
  4. Miracle Mile
  5. Titanic

Cinema Formats

  1. Natural Vision
  2. Cinemascope
  3. 70mm
  4. Todd AO
  5. Cinema 180

Seminal Pop Videos

  1. Cry by Godley and Creme
  2. Sabotage by Beastie Boys
  3. Black or White by Michael Jackson
  4. The Chemical Bros one with multi-views